Posted on Saturday, May 31, 2014 at 8:52 PM

Everything started with....... The december trip to Thailand. Oh before this trip i was fine. I was free. I hated commitment. My life was all about having fun with no strings attached. And all this is due to my good ol' friend J who, er, 'showed me the ropes'.

Now i've known for a long while that i've had an inferiority complex. Let's just say the december trip for me was.... Subpar. An orgy of horrible decisions ( no not in the literal sense. Oh god no). So when i returned to singapore, i was at a low, thinking 'this trip was horrible urgh'. And well for J though...... Boom. He got a girlfriend, M. And by god she was awesome, perfect for him. And he wasted no time in reminding me about it constantly. And that's when my inferiority complex went bonkers. Kaboom. It hit me. I want to have a girlfriend. Someone permanent. Someone i can share hopes and dreams with, someone i can actually care about truthfully. Bear in mind, at this point, i am apeshit desperate for a girlfriend and would settle with just about anyone. 

Now. Assuming anyone's still reading this blog after months of inactivity, this next part is gonna make me sound disgustingly superficial. I do not deny it. I was, to put it lightly, 'pretty fucked up'. I might have changed (more on that in a while) but back then i was a jerkoff, an asshole, whatever. Anyway.

In the thailand trip, i ran into 3 girls. C, G and K. Now for a little backstory:

C was a hookup i had back in august. Well not exactly a hookup, we kinda liked each other but i forgot to get her number before i left. 

G was C's best friend. She was with this other friend of mine. Kinda cute but pretty old. Close to her 30s.

And K. When i went to thailand in december, the first few days i had no idea where C went or how to find her. By chance, i met K. She was cute. We started to hit it off. BUT i forgot to get her number too. (Lol) 

Anyway, as fate would have it, the last day in thailand i finally met C. But by god she was different. Okay imma just put it straightforward. She got fat. Like really fat. And she seemed pretty disinterested in anything i've got to say. Typically, it'd be a turnoff but well, i was blinded by the joy of finally finding her after so long (4 months approx) that i took her number down. Of course, this means i turned down K. 

Fast forward to post december trip. So there was J, showing off and bragging about how he's found the girl of his dreams. And me? All i've got is the number of a girl who's old and fat. (once again i apologise) I felt horrible. Like, 'why can't i have something like him?' Sure it sounds childish now but back then i had no idea what i was thinking. So in my desperation, i pulled a move so asshole-ish, hitler would he proud. I asked C for G's number claiming that my friend has a crush on G when in actuality i was gonna hit on G. Long story short, plan failed, i gave up. 

At that point, it occured to me. There's still K. That's when i asked M, J's girlfriend to get me her number. We talked, hit it off really well and i started to have serious feelings for her. Soon after, we started a relationship. 

Well at first it was great. She's cute, she's funny, she's interesting. Only problem, i had nothing in common eith her. She's oftentimes so busy with work we'd be taking for like, 2 minutes each day. It was a relationship doomed to fail. I just didn't see it yet.

Then one day, 21st january. Poof. She disappeared. Just vanished. No replies, no picking my calls, nothing. It's like she just vanished into thin air. I was devasted. But i got over it pretty fast because, well, it was probably lust that made me intrested in her in the first place as, well, she is pretty hot. 

Anyway, after the whole thing with K is done, i was about to go on a dry spell when J one day asked me 'hey M has a pretty cute friend, would you like to get her number?'

Naturally i jumped at the opportunity. 

Now this. This is the one relationship that broke me. Made it necessary for me to write down everything to let me collect my thoughts. Let's just call her S. 

After getting her number, we started talking. To be honest, when i first saw her, she wasn't particularly pretty, cute or hot or any of that superficial nonsense. She looked normal. Typical, so when i first started talking to her, i had no intention of ever starting so much as a hookup with her. 

 Time passed, i realised me and her? We had more in common than i thought. Never have i found it so easy to stay awake throughout the night, wasting away all my mobile data just to video call her. Never have i felt so much concern for someone, felt so connected. On 14 february, i asked her to be my girlfriend. She agreed. 

Now the next couple of months were bliss. Typical 'falling in love' stuff. I have to admit it's been so long since i've felt this way, not since may last year. So the plan was for me to finally meet her in April during Songkran. So in preparation of that i worked like hell. Well, i did pull that trip off. But the trip. Oh how eventful it was. 

The first few days after i met her were awesome. Finally after so long, i have a relationship i could call my own. And well, that was probably the first time i said i loved someone and truly meant it.

And then came the 4th day. Now S, she used to work as a club girl until one day a korean customer offered her a job as a secretary and in addition offered to pay for her condominium and university fees. Against all logic, she accepted it. Naturally i did not know about it. As luck would have it, the korean guy found out about me while i was there in thailand. Drama erupted. One thing led to another, and i came back to singapore broken hearted.